Do you ever have those times when the walls feel like they're closing in on you and you're not sure what to do, so all you end up doing is laying on the couch, napping?
It's been a long time, let me give you an update.
My dad's going in for surgery on Wednesday. The lesion is a tumor or growth of some kind, and that's what's causing the lack of mobility in his right arm. Scarily, his left leg is starting to drag a bit, too, which means that whatever is in his head is getting bigger. Since it has to come out anyway, they'll operate and then biopsy the thing to see if it's malignant or benign.
I sold my car on Friday night. It was intended to pay for a plane ticket to New Zealand to be down there for the shooting of our short. However, the woman who bought it, Essence, called last night asking if there was anything wrong with it that I didn't tell her about, 'cause apparently it started smoking. "Well, unfortunately, there could be a lot of things potentially wrong with it," I replied. I told her that if when she takes it to the mechanic, there's something majorly wrong with it that she doesn't want to deal with, to bring it back and I'll give her money back. If this had happened a month from now, I wouldn't feel obligated, but not two days after.
Don't know what that would do about New Zealand, though. I'll take it as a sign that maybe I shouldn't be there, after all. Which makes me sad, 'cause I want to be there. Either way, she hasn't called back.
And the uncertainty continues...I got a letter from the unemployment office today saying that they want to call me for an interview. The last claim I sent in was a week late -- "sorry, but finding out my dad's got a brain tumor trumps my unemployment check in a big, bad way." If the interview goes badly, they're going to cut my benefits. Because did I mention -- when I got back from New Zealand, I discovered that Sumit had found someone to cover both shifts, meaning I'm out of my part-time job, too. Granted, I didn't mind, I was quite happy, honestly, because I had been thinking whilst in New Zealand that "hey, maybe I should quit my job to make more time for Crossover." Then I prayed, "but God, I don't know if I can make that decision." Turns out, I didn't have to.
So, this all leads to now. Lack of job plus lack of car plus some largely unexpected financial woes PLUS my dad being sick equals laying on the couch and eating nothing by Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. The thought of going back to full time office-based work scares the crap out of me. I'm afraid that this will be a dream half-realized (on my part, anyway).
In a couple of days, everything will make sense, I know it will. I suppose this is when faith is tested, when there doesn't seem to be any answers. This is where I always get tripped up in regards to "delighting in the Lord," or remembering to remain joyful, 'cause there doesn't seem to be much hope right now. Yar...
